Potty Humor

My recent wedding attendance is driving me to post about something I would not normally post about--toilets!

Here in the Middle East, toileting is a little different than in the US. From what I understand, though I have never been able to discuss it with anyone who can confirm it, people have traditionally used their left hand for "toileting duties" and their right hand for eating. So I have wondered many a time what exactly does that mean?

In every bathroom I have been to here, there is a little sprayer attached to the wall. My guess is that you are supposed to use the sprayer after you go to the bathroom to rinse off your business and use your left hand to assist. A lot of bathrooms do not have any toilet paper, only the sprayer. I am guessing that means they do not even pat dry or anything. I'm not sure how they can stand it, but I don't know how else they do it.

Bidets are also a very common sight here; we have one in our apartment. Shawn and I have both tried it out of curiosity. However hilarious, ridiculous and blog-worthy our bidet attempts might be, some things should probably just remain private.

There are also toilets that are more like porcelain sinks set into the floor that have little ridges on either side so you can get traction with your feet. You are supposed to squat down and go in them. I have not been brave enough to try one yet. I imagine it would be about as hilarious as my bidet tries.

So what does all this have to do with the wedding I went to? When I arrived at the center where the wedding was taking place on the second night, I realized I had to pee really bad! After putting it off as long as possible, I went to the bathroom. I was quite dismayed to discover one of these squatting toilets and only a sprayer--no toilet paper. I wasn't about to make my first attempt at one of these at a wedding where I was wearing a floor-length abaya. I had all these visions of falling part-way into the toilet thingy and getting soaked, as well as not being able to dry off afterwards. No, thanks!

So I held it for three hours. By the time I got back to Hassan's house, I REALLY had to go. I asked to use his restroom, thinking that he would have a full-sized toilet. When I went into the bathroom, I discovered that he did NOT have a full-sized toilet, but the same squat toilet and only water, too! I held it then, too.

Needless to say, when I got home I was quite relieved.