My dear in-laws took Kai and Quinn for the weekend so that I could attend a conference on Friday. It was nice to have a weekend with a little bit more downtime than usual. I got to nap for the first time in a long time! It was pretty awesome. Plus, I got to spend a little bit of time with Shawn.
Friday was a very interesting day. I went to a conference in Kansas City that was about birth trauma. It was focused a lot more on the psychological trauma babies can experience during/after the birth process than I was expecting it to be. I was hoping the speaker would spend more time on counseling women who have had traumatic birth experiences since that is an area of particular interest to me. Regardless, though, the speaker was very interesting and it definitely gave me food for thought.
I got to talk during breaks with some of the other ladies there--mainly doulas, midwives and childbirth educators. It was so fascinating to hear their stories and ideas about birth. Obviously, it was wonderful to be in a room full of women who share my same enthusiasm for birth and childbirth education.
Claire went with me and was very interested in the subject matter, as well. She kept cooing pretty much the entire day (while the guy was talking--fortunately, my baby wasn't the only one there making noise) and did not sleep much. It was a little stressful and frustrating at times because she got bored and started crying, making it necessary for me to leave and wait until she was done in the lobby. This happened a few times, but other than that, she was pretty good.
The conference made me think a lot about my own present situation. On the drive home, I started feeling a little bewildered. I am very educated about birth. I have a deep passion for it and love learning about it. But listening to the women at the conference, as well as the speaker made me start to have doubts and questions about my abilities to actually teach this stuff. I'm planning on teaching my first series of prepared childbirth classes in January (after all the holidays are over) and I'm starting to get a little bit nervous. I felt like I was in over my head.
Additionally, after Claire's birth, I have felt a bit perplexed about my own philosophy of birth. I have been re-evaluating my feelings and thoughts, as well as processing Claire's birth experience. It was a wonderful birth, but there were things about it that were not what I was expecting. There are even parts of it that disappointed me. I think God is using my experience with Claire's birth to teach me some things and to help me refine what I believe about birth. It is a much more challenging process than I expected, though.
Shawn had a lot of really encouraging things to say to me that evening when I told him how I was feeling. After talking through things with him, I felt much better about everything. I know that everything will work out for the best, but that I will be continually learning along the way.
The picture at the beginning of the post is a rainbow that I saw on my way home from the conference Friday. It is not the greatest picture because I took it while I was driving (I know, dangerous!). It was such a beautiful and vivid rainbow--of course the photo does not do it justice.
No comments:
Post a Comment